Inside the House

Juanita's blog March 10, 2010

Hi….it’s Juanita again.  I ‘m feeling really frustrated, busted and disgusted today. I have a question? What do you do when you do all you can? You put your best foot forward and you do all that you’ve learned in life … but still you are getting NO where. Is life trying to tell you something? Or maybe what you learned isn’t right, maybe you were taught wrong? I’m just full of questions and the sad part is I have no answers.  I’m tired of reaching out for help because it seems I get very little help. I’ve given up on that.

 I was told to get a good education and it would pay off… well I have a good education and it got me right back where I started from; welfare and food stamps….(oh no, excuse ,me  that has changed now it’s an EBT card). In case it sounds like I’m playing the blame game, I’m not. I guess I just feel trapped, in a mental maize, and I can’t get out!!!!!! It’s like I’m damned if I do and I’m damned if I don’t. Have you ever seen a dog chase after his tail? That’s me! Just call me Madame Tail chaser.

Excuse me if I don’t sound like a ray of sunshine today, but well … I don’t have any excuse, I just feel this way, ok.  I am tired. I moved to Baltimore in 2003, a successful, married lady with the expectations of building our dreams together. You know, family, a beautiful home, a business, reaching out to build a better community and a better world, for a brighter tomorrow. It is now 2010. I am divorced, homeless, and unemployed. I guess the bright spot is I am a minister, but sometimes even I have REAL doubts about that. I mean, let’s kee ne have a GPS? p it real. Somewhere in my journey, I made a wrong turn, and I’m not back on track yet. Anyo